Friday, September 25, 2009

Bees are assholes

The other day I was outside smoking a cigarette and this bee just wouldn’t leave me alone. Personally I hate bees, and wish they would all fucking die, to hell with the ecological ramifications. And not just bees, pretty much all forms of stinging insects. This damned bee was hovering around my face and wouldn’t leave me alone. I swear I wanted to kill the goddamn thing for it’s lack of respect for a creature several thousand times it’s size. It would be like you walking up to Godzilla, climbing up to his face and yelling “Hey Douchebag! You suck donkey anus!” in his ear all day and expecting not to get your shit stomped. I mean really, what the hell bee? I can kill your whole family, and quite frankly, if I had a map to your hive, and a flamethrower I would. That’s not a bad idea actually, note to self: Buy flamethrower for pest removal. Anyway where was I? Oh yeah genocide. I hate these things so much if someone ran for office on the platform of “total destruction of the stinging insect population”, I’d vote for them. Just think of the great campaign posters. Shit like: “Vote yatta for a bee free future”, or “Do we really NEED honey? I mean c’mon”, or “Once every twelve seconds nine thousand people die of bee stings”. Sure the last one might need some fact checking but when have political campaigns ever been totally honest. Hell, I’m even for a slanderous plan to update various Wikipedia pages with false information to spread fear and hatred of the entire genome. This claim that they only sting in self defense is total bullshit. Look, we all already know that bees and other stinging insects sting us not out of self defense, but because they are made of pure, concentrated evil born from the dark lord Satan in the fires of hell to torment man and make a mockery of life, ok? we all know this. It’s time to get the word out to those that think otherwise and set the record straight.

2 comments:

  1. I just got stung by a bee and found this post by doing a google search for "Bees are assholes." I agree with you, totally, and would have more to say but it's hard to type when I'm busy holding a SACK OF FROZEN PEAS against my arm because an ASSHOLE BEE decided to STING ME in the middle of the night.

    In an apartment. REALLY BEE?

    *grump grump*

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